Finding the Right Teacher: How to Choose a Guide Who Truly Helps You Grow
Seeking guidance is natural. At different points in life, we look for teachers, mentors, or coaches to help us navigate challenges, gain clarity, or deepen our understanding of ourselves. But how do you find the right teacher? And how do you know if they’re actually helping you — or leading you in the wrong direction?
Not all teachers are equal. Some empower you, while others create dependence. Some expand your self-trust, while others subtly erode it. The key is knowing how to choose wisely.
My Own Search for Spiritual Guidance
I grew up Mormon, and for the first 30 years of my life, that identity shaped everything — how I viewed the world, how I made decisions, and how I understood spirituality. Leaving wasn’t just about walking away from a religion; it was about losing an entire framework for life. I had to rebuild everything from scratch, including my sense of purpose, morality, and connection to the divine.
At first, I thought I needed a new system to replace the old one. I looked for teachers, mentors, and philosophies that could give me the same certainty I had lost. But what I discovered instead was that true spirituality isn’t about finding another set of rules — it’s about learning to trust yourself in ways you never have before. The best teachers don’t give you all the answers. They help you ask the right questions.
How to Find a Teacher Who Fits You
Not every teacher will be right for you — and that’s okay. The best teacher is the one whose style aligns with your needs, challenges your growth, and ultimately helps you trust yourself more. Here’s how to start your search:
- Clarify What You’re Looking For
- Do you need structured guidance or intuitive insights?
- Are you looking for practical tools or deep inner transformation?
- Do you want someone with a traditional background or an unconventional approach?
2. Observe Their Energy and Actions
- Do they live what they teach?
- Are they transparent about their own journey, or do they present themselves as flawless?
- Do their teachings align with your values, or do they require you to ignore your instincts?
3. Pay Attention to How You Feel Around Them
- A real teacher should empower, not control.
- If you feel dependent, anxious, or pressured, take a step back.
- The right teacher helps you trust yourself more, not less.
What Teaching Style Works for You?
People learn in different ways. Some prefer direct guidance, others thrive with open-ended exploration. Here are a few common teaching styles:
- The Guide — Offers structured lessons, frameworks, or exercises to follow.
- The Mirror — Reflects your patterns back to you, helping you see what’s already inside.
- The Challenger — Pushes you beyond comfort zones, often through tough love.
- The Companion — Walks alongside you, offering wisdom without pushing an agenda.
Ask yourself: Which style helps me grow the most? If you don’t know yet, that’s okay — sometimes it takes experience to figure out what resonates.
Red Flags to Watch For
Not every teacher has your best interest at heart. Here are warning signs that should make you reconsider:
🚩 They demand unquestioning loyalty — A good teacher invites curiosity, not blind faith.
🚩 They claim to have “all the answers” — No one has all the answers. The best teachers help you find your own.
🚩 You feel pressured to keep following them — Growth isn’t about attachment; it’s about expansion.
🚩 They discourage you from trusting yourself — If they undermine your instincts instead of refining them, they’re not the right guide.
How Do You Know If You’ve Found the Right Teacher?
A good teacher doesn’t just give you information — they change the way you think, grow, and navigate life. Here are signs that you’ve found the right one:
- You feel empowered, not dependent.
- They challenge you, but in a way that feels constructive.
- You’re learning to trust yourself more, not less.
- They respect your boundaries and personal journey.
- You leave feeling more capable than when you arrived.
The Best Teachers Make Themselves Unnecessary
The ultimate goal of a teacher isn’t to make you need them forever — it’s to help you stand on your own. The right guide won’t claim authority over your path. They’ll show you how to walk it for yourself.
So, if you’re looking for a teacher, ask yourself: Am I looking for someone to follow? Or someone to help me step into my own power?
The difference between those two questions changes everything.
Have you ever worked with a mentor or teacher who changed your life? Share your experience in the comments.
